11 Strange Sex Toys You Wouldn't Believe Exist
As a guy, nothing is more important than giving your girl the best pleasure of her life. Who wouldn’t want that, right? So you decided to search Google for tips on how to make your sex life sizzle or whatever things you can do to improve your performance in bed.
Of course you have the usual tips – try new positions, do it outside the bedroom, be adventurous, the be-the-nicer-guy-and-treat-her-to-a-romantic-date, you name it.
However, there is one tip you’ve been itching to try but you just don’t know how to introduce to your girl, especially when you two just started going out – sex toys.
Yes, sex toys are one of the many ways to add spice to your sex life. Apparently, sex toys are more than just vibrators, nipple clamps and anal plugs. If you have been looking closely in the sex store, there are tons of sex toys that are either a) bizarre out of this world, or b) plain insane. Still, you have to give credit to the designers’ imagination, because first and foremost, these things are intended for, um, sexual pleasure.
Brace yourself. Here are eleven of the strangest sex toys you’ll ever see in your entire life.
1. Butt Locks
From the name itself, it can be difficult to picture how this thing works. First of all, it looks like a trailer hitch or the lock that connects the train. Which leads you to this question – “how does a butt lock even work?”
Here it goes. The round part goes over your guy down there, spin it back and then the hitch goes into your ass.
Whoever invented this sex toy must’ve been quite drunk, but hey, he should be making money out of this, so, yes, go ahead and try it. Just make sure you are in your right mind and conscious enough to feel any pain, so stay away from alcohol when you try this.
2. Orgasmatron
No, it’s not something futuristic but Orgasmatron is actually intended to make the user orgasm while doing housework. Just imagine a washing machine with a saddle on top made of leather. Housework shouldn’t be boring, right?
So if you got a wife who’s been dealing with all the housework and you’re not around all the time to satisfy her needs, then this sex toy, or even machine as it should be aptly called, is the best gift you can give her.
Just make sure you’ll make up for the time lost or she’ll enjoy being on top of the Orgasmatron so much, your house will be immaculately clean.
3. Permanent Butt Plugs
Are you tired of your usual butt plugs that get destroyed by your merciless ass – assuming you’re using one? Thankfully, there is now an aluminum plug that is meant to withstand destruction, so you don’t have to buy more butt plugs, over and over.
Photo by Stan Spanker / CC BY SA
You can actually remove the center of the plug and through a series of muscle contractions, you can even crap through this thing. Once you do, simply attach the shower hose to clean yourself out and possibly explode your insides.
Are you still willing to try out this sex toy? Go ahead. No one’s stopping you.
4. Anal Ring Toss.
People never run out of outrageous ideas, don’t they? If the first three has already made you gulp in disbelief, wait until you find out more about this next strange sex toy: anal ring toss.Yes, you pictured it right. Anal ring toss is actually a ring toss with a twist. And by twist, this means you have to jam the plastic rod up to someone else’s ass and toss away. Whoever tosses the most number of rings is the winner. Now that is strange.
So, if you’re thinking of spicing up your sex life with some games, you better try this out. Whoever wins this strange game deserves a prize, but what?
5. Sex Droid
Photo by Robotman1974 / CC BY SA
If you’re too scared about catching an STD, or you suddenly realized your girl is not into sex anymore, or you simply want to practice to make sure you won’t be labeled as a one-minute man, then the sex droid might be your best bet.
It is actually a human-size love doll that reacts every time you caress her. And if you’re not yet convinced, it even has a human-size vagina, as if you are actually banging a real life person.
Is buying a sex droid a sign of lack of self confidence? It depends. Just don’t idolize Lars too much by forming a special relationship with the doll.
6. Bird Cage
The point of sex toys is to keep you and your girl aroused and prepare the two of you before actual sex. Another example of a sex toy that can – hopefully – put you both in the mood is the bird cage.
It is a human-sized cage where you can lock someone in and eventually poke them with metal sticks. If it’s going to give you a boner, that depends.
For some, inflicting pain, no matter how minimal it is, can be fun and arousing while others can’t tolerate pain. But, before you lock your girl inside the bird cage, make sure to give her a safe word. She’s a human being, not a monkey locked in the zoo, so be careful.
7. Lady Parts Hood
Have you had enough? You’re only past the halfway mark and believe it or not, there are still many other outrageous sex toys you should know about. This includes the lady parts hood.
Basically, it is a hood with a rubber forehead-based vagina and a rubber mouth butt.
And since it has “hood” on its name, this sex toy is supposed to go on someone else’s head, wearing it as a face mask, while you try to penetrate inside the make-believe vagina. Don’t worry. It has two nose holes above the mouth butt, so the wearer will still be able to breathe.
The question now is how to find someone who is crazy enough to wear it.
8. Bunny Hood
The bunny hood works like the lady parts hood and is worn like a face mask.
The difference is that the hood looks like a rabbit and this sex toy is perfect for those who love Bugs Bunny so much, they just can’t get enough of him and his “What’s Up Doc?” antics.
According to the bunny hood manufacturer’s website, this sex toy is the ultimate face bondage hood that is made of durable leather lace and comes with a collar with a large pink leather bow. It also epitomizes “cute and sexy,” giving the wearer a mysterious allure.
You could be insane for wanting to use this and trying to suffocate the wearer, but hey, no one can judge you for your bunny fascination, right? That’s what makes you unique so go ahead. Again, make sure using this sex toy is consensual.
9. Artificial Hymen
Let’s face the truth: only a few women these days are virgin.Since you’re not living in 1900 anymore, expect that most women you had sex with had partners before you. As a result, they are labeled as sluts or whatever nasty names you can call them.But hey, there’s another way for them to make look like they’re virgins – and you wouldn’t even notice. Yes, it’s called artificial hymen.
It is some kind of cellulose vagina plug that quickly dissolves and leaves a woman’s vagina airtight once it’s in place. In other words, it is a plastic bag filled with fake blood to make it look like you had sex with a virgin because all of a sudden, she’s bleeding.
10. Real Touch
Who says stimulation and technology can’t work together? Apparently, you haven’t heard of Real Touch.
This sex toy is a computer-controlled stimulation device that uses specially-encoded content to give your guy down there the virtual reality experience.
True to its word, the Real Touch also simulates motion, adjusts temperature and even provides lubrication for easier, um, hand movement.
Too legit for you? Well, this one is deciphered by a custom Windows Media Player plug-in. Why not, right?
11. Eco-friendly Vibrator
Finally, something more pleasing to your ear.
Vibrators are one, if not the most common sex toy you’ll ever see in any sex store. But, be prepared. There is actually a vibrator that is good for the environment by using Mr. Sun as its primary source of power.
This could mean having sex in the morning where the sun is shining brightly. But hey, morning sex could be fun, so go ahead.
After going through this list, do you think you can handle any of these strange sex toys?
If you’re more on the conservative side, and using your tongue and fingers is the best foreplay, that’s fine. Although a little help from ProExtender, a penis enlargement system, to add a few centimeters to your size isn’t that bad of an idea, after all.