6 Outlandish Things Animals Do With Their Penises
God truly created the world in the fairest way possible. Whatever the physical, emotional and mental differences may be between homo sapiens, meaning you and the rest of the humans in this planet, and the kingdom, one thing is for sure, sex will always be a part of the normal routine.
Wait, sex for animals? Of course. How do you expect them to reproduce without actually doing something, right? It may not be compared to how humans do it but the animals surely has their own way of mating, which humans can learn something from – hello, dog style?
If you think only you and your species have a penis, well, you should know that some animals have one, too. And believe it or not, they do the craziest, most outrageous things with their penises.
1. The Argonaut’s Detachable Penis.
Imagine this. You’re busy working and preparing for tomorrow’s presentation when your wife naughtily texted you that she’s home early and naked. And to top it off, she even sent you picture of her boobs, and then some.So, you start to have a boner under your table and been itching to call it a day off since 10 a.m., until you realized you’re not yet done with your presentation.
So, yes, you wish you have the best of both worlds without disappointing anyone and started to envy Argonauts, are a type of octopus. And the difference between you and argonauts?
It has a penis that it can detach anytime, and you don’t. That may seem silly, but there will be instances in your life when you wish you can do everything all at the same time, including this situation.
Believe it or not, an argonaut’s penis has its own tail, allowing it to go inside a female to give her pleasure while he’s too busy swimming around. All the more reason to feel bad for yourself because you so want to get laid but your serious, non-sex maniac personality is telling you you’ll lose your job if you screw things up.
2. The Flatworm’s Make Love And War Penis.
If you think the detachable penis is weird, wait until you learn about what a flatworm’s penis can do.First of all, flatworms have two penises, both located in its mouth.This is because they are hermaphrodites, which means they have both the male and female sexual organs.
Second, aside from procreation – or simply for sexual purposes only – a flatworm’s amazing dagger penis can also be used for hunting and self-defense. Third, sex for flatworms is more like war and not love.
Photo by Jens Petersen / CC BY-SA
This act is referred to as the “penis fence,” where the two organisms seem like fighting against each other when they are actually mating. Whoever wins gets to absorb the sperm of the loser flatworm through its skin and gets pregnant.Can’t believe it? Then watch some of those weird flatworm YouTube videos to see for yourself.
3. The Little Barnacle’s Humongous Penis.
Guys, admit it. You don’t know that much about barnacles and probably heard about it from Spongebob Squarepants. Well, lucky you, you’re going to be schooled – in a good way, at least.
In case you forgot what your science teacher has taught you, a barnacle is one of the sea creatures you’ll see in case you decide to go on a cruise or ride a boat for some water adventure.
It is a type of arthropod and a cousin of crabs and lobsters that’s covered with hard plates of calcium carbonate. It doesn’t work a day in its life and gets to travel around the world for free, assuming it sticks to a hard surface, like the hull of a ship or a whale.
But what sets barnacles apart is a gigantic penis, which can be useful in case they decide to hold an orgy. A barnacle’s penis is eight times the length of its body, around 50 feet. In fact, you can even play a double-dutch jump rope when you decide to go on a threesome.
And that’s not all. If you think its humongous penis is enough to freak you out, did you know that barnacles are hermaphrodites? Yes, just like the flatworms, barnacles have both male and female sexual organs, which mean they can just mate with themselves when the rest of its species are busy sticking to hard surfaces.
But of course, they don’t do it, since that’s probably pretty lame for them. Who knows – maybe they consider a forbidden act, so they’d rather mate with everyone else using their huge junk and slapping it around until it meets a horny vagina.
4. The Mighty Ducks.
No, you’re not going to read anything about the boys who play hockey here.
This is actually about ducks, the animals, who are pretty much amazing but boring species until you find out how fantastic their genitals are.
Believe it or not, ducks like to rape. In fact, an estimated one-third of all duck sex is forced, thanks to its long cock which scientists believe ducks use as a bull whip in order to catch their victims.
But of course, the female ducks do not condone such behavior and since capital punishment cannot be imposed on them, female ducks are able to build complex vaginal defenses over time.
What does this mean? Female ducks have vaginas that corkscrew in the opposite direction of males’ penises. And even before the male ducks reach the pinnacle of success when forcing a female duck to have sex with him,
female ducks have up to eight false pathways that looks like a maze, making it difficult for a male duck to find it.
Still, you have to give ducks some credit. If not for their determination to go forth and multiply, ducks would be extinct by now.
5. The Red-sided Garter Snakes’ Mating Ball Orgy.
Have you seen the movie Anaconda 2, where a group of scientists are looking after the wild orchid flower? If yes, can you remember the part where they saw a mating bowl with huge anacondas trying to get inside each other since it was mating season? Imagine that being done by a smaller version of snakes.
Lo and behold, it turns out that red-sided garter snakes are really into orgies. Once a year, a female garter snake will wake up from hibernation.
She releases pheromones to attract hundreds of male garter snakes within the area to go to her and create a giant mating ball.
And if you’re thinking how on Earth will a male garter snake “mate” with the female one? Well, it turns out that male garter snakes have two penises called hemipenes – does that make you feel bad? – located on each side of its body. Once inside the mating ball, the male garter snake will use its best-positioned penis to mate with the female snake.
In case your mind is still processing this information, did you know that there is she-male garter snake? Because it craves for warmth and protection, and attention at times, it also releases pheromones to attract nearby garter snakes and fool hundreds of male snakes to pile up on him/her. What an attention seeker.
6. The Dolphin’s Retractable Penis.
Flipper was one of the movies that made you cry when you were younger. Because of your fascination for dolphins, you probably asked your parents to take you out for some sea adventure and have your picture taken with a dolphin. That fascination will turn into envy now that you’re older.
First of all, dolphins have retractable penis. And by retractable, this means it can be taken back, drawn in or withdrawn.Second, it has a prehensile penis, meaning it can grab or hold something to manipulate its sex prey.
Third, its penis swivels. Believe it or not, a male dolphin can even use his penis to explore various objects just like a hand.
As to its sex drive? You might be surprised to know it is one of the horniest creatures nature ever created. Male dolphins have such a strong sex drive, that it can mate many times a day without getting too tired. And because of this insane sexual appetite, dolphins have the tendency to hump with other sea creatures, such as sea turtles and even inanimate objects.
But don’t feel so bad and jealous of dolphins. If you think their insane sex drive is to die for, then you should be happy to know that you can last longer in bed. Male dolphins aren’t much of a stud with an average ejaculation time of 12 seconds. Now, that’s a one-minute man, oops, dolphin.
Think God created man and woman perfectly? Of course. You may not have a 50-foot penis like a barnacle – can you imagine how heavy that is? – or a detachable penis like an Argonaut, but one thing’s for sure. You can still improve on your size down there. Don’t forget that there’s ProExtender System, a penis enlargement device that can surely add length and girth to your member, minus the side effects.