For some, the Emotional Visualization exercises can be the most difficult training aspect to manage. The main cause of this is due to approaching the practice with an “all or none,” or binary mindset.

It has to be understood that mastering one’s emotions takes time and it also happens at certain levels. Merely learning to calm yourself is a good initial goal, but it is also a stepping stone towards inducing positive emotions in a scenario where a person may normally experience apprehension.

To get the most out of Emotional Visualization exercises, it is first necessary to give yourself an honest initial evaluation. If you are experiencing serious negative emotions during the prospect of sexual contact, then examining the cause and trying some solutions are going to be necessary.

The following may seem a bit long-winded, but it is necessary to truly examine the origins of a person’s particular issues if they are to be mastered.

One of the most common requests comes from college-aged men looking to bulletproof themselves against potential negative sexual experiences. Their fear is they will have sex with a stranger who will react negatively, and perhaps even ruin their reputation. To be clear, the solution is often one the subject does not want to hear, but it requires mentioning.

The dialog in discussions with clients having these concerns often goes as follows:

Me: What seems to be troubling you in regards to potential sexual contact?

Subject: I am worried that I will meet someone at a club or bar and they will not be satisfied with my performance. Worse yet, they may even spread rumors about me to their friends!

Me: You are referring to meeting strangers for the purpose of no strings attached sex, right?

Subject: Yes.

Me: Can it safely be said you likely will not have or may not develop strong feelings for any of these strangers you might meet?

Subject: Since I do not know them, of course, I do not feel much of anything for them. How can I? I will probably not have any serious relationship with anyone I might meet at the club or bar beyond casual sex.

Me: Can you take a step back and see the lack of logic in placing so much of a negative emotional burden upon yourself for, as you admit, people you don’t know or don’t plan to care about?

Subject: So what am I to do then?

Me: It is clear from your concerns that you are not emotionally ready to undertake the types of sexual practices you are considering. You are attempting to operate from the level of your ego. When you allow your ego to become the master, you will suffer. There is no way around this.

Subject: Then what am I to do?

Me: Learn to develop a strong level of self-confidence. Learn to value yourself – certainly more than what you feel the opinions of strangers are worth. You might do better by attempting to develop a relationship first, then easing into sexual contact once you feel you are confident in yourself and in your partner.

It appears that the phase of “sexual liberation” many societies are going through comes with a steep price. In many societies, especially in the past, sex was considered an intimate and even sacred experience. In heterosexual couples, not only does it potentially result in the creation of offspring, but it is about as close as two people can get physically by baring the most intimate parts of themselves to each other.

Pretending that emotions don’t have to be involved in sex often causes a type of subconscious or conscious dissociation. One expects themselves to be able to perform without issue under a scenario where one would normally need to intimately trust their partner.

Some men have devised an alternate, short term solution to the above scenario. In the world of male enhancement training, this is termed the “dark side” of male enhancement.

The common scenario is this: The subject either has a negative experience or fears one, so they decide to divorce themselves emotionally from their sexual encounters. Sometimes, this is done with a deliberate eye of treating potential sexual partners as items of conquest, instead of human beings. Through repetition, the subject is actually able to separate themselves emotionally from their activities, and barring any negative health scenarios, they learn to perform sexually as desired.

I mentioned how this is a short term solution because as the subject matures and tires of emotionally devoid rote sex with strangers, he decides he wants more from his life. He has had plenty of sex but has never “made love,” which is where one is able to let themselves become emotionally unencumbered during sexual contact.

Ironically, a chief complaint among women concerning men is not about penis size or even their sexual performance. It is in the lack of emotional engagement many men have when performing the act. Some have described these men as if they appeared to be elsewhere in their minds by focusing on the performance aspect, but not on what is right in front of them.

Once the subject decides he wishes to begin a deeper type of relationship, he finds he is back to where he was before he first attempted his experiment of divorcing emotion from sex, only now with guilt attached to it.

The issue here is the mastery of the ego. Only by acknowledging and accepting the issue can one begin to transcend it. The work can start once they realize an objective point of view will be necessary for dealing with negative emotions.

Adopting this accepting mindset will make it much easier to develop the focus necessary for the Emotional Visualization Exercises to take effect as quickly as possible.